I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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