You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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