Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
