Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
