community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
