how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
