y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
