Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
