if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
