so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
