weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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