i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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