Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I faked an abortion last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
