Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
