So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I will die if light touches me.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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