hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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