the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
