if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
