Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I did not marry a roomba.
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