dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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