there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
