im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
