I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My balls are so social today.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
