just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
