You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
