I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
