I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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