Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize