First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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