She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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