so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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