I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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