its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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