dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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