I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
