I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
