Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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