Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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