I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
