you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
