Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
