Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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