He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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