On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
