well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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