this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
