this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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