Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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