Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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