My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
