areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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