whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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