Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The best revenge is premature balding
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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