she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
May the power of my ass compel you!!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
