I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
