Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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