I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
