I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
