Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
