considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
