Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
