Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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