You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
