We're like a lot better than the average bears
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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